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September 22, 2011 / rocksandgravel

Just For (No) Fun: Why Its OK To Fancy Bryan Ferry

Written for No fun

He’s the face of Krug. Kate Moss adorned his recent album cover. He could sing the pants of ladies young and middle aged. One of my main ambitions, among many other wonderful things, is to be Bryan Ferry’s muse, immortalised in song forever. I don’t generally go for older men but Bryan is a rare exception, and its OK. Here’s why:

1) That wobbling croon

So he’s little bit camp, or ‘mincey’ on stage, but his wobbling croon is enough to make any lady weak at the knees, and anyway, such flamboyance was what made Roxy such a joy to behold. Watching back old episodes of TOTP, just look at the way he prances from side to side with his jacket draped over his shoulders, flirting with the camera with his saucy sideways glances. Oh YOU.

2) He’s so dapper

How does he do it? Well for one thing, he always makes an effort- have you ever seen him with a hair out of place or his shirt un- tucked? Have you ever seen a paparazzi snapshot of him dribbling over some big busted stripper? No. Despite partying as hard as the rest of them well into his 60s, dolling around the dance floors of members clubs, he manages to maintain an air about him that even his remarkably handsome offspring would be hard pushed to live up to.

3) He’d take me on a proper nice date

I can just envisage what a date with him might entail: a candlelit dinner, and then onto a late night jazz establishment, where he’d take to the stage with the house band for an impromptu medley of Let’s Stick Together, Angel Eyes (so underrated) and Avalon, at which point he’d beckon me to the stage to twirl me around. I know he would.

*sigh* Bryan, you smooth bastard. I think I love you.

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